Foodie Entertainer Pillows

"I thought it was time to throw out the pizza boxes. What's amazing is it's just from the weekend."

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'Barb had her stomach replaced with a mouse's stomach to help her eat less.'

Bedtime Stories with Gordon Ramsay

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Man says: 'Great pizza, but the mozzarella was a bit stringy.'

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

F&E Diner. I'll bet you want the alphabet soup, right? Hey! Don't put words in my mouth!

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

'Mustard, ketchup and mayo are all nice and creamy smooth. Why isn't anything being done about relish?'

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."