Foodie Comedy Lover Gifts

"I used to like marmalade, but now I prefer seville orange compote sandwiches."

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

Better Not Squash.

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

Now we know --- It's good for making toast, not good for heating up meatloaf!

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

Deviled HamDeviled Eggs.

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

"Your father dressed you, didn't he?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

Road Kill Cafe.

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"