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"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"Great job of acting! You really appeared excited about Aunt May's 'famous' green bean casserole."

'I told you not to complain about the hospital food!'

Better Not Squash.

'and then stand in dish for two hours.'

'Say, Hon. . . the pizza's burning.'

Do-it-yourself sushi bar serves live fish to customer.

"Then add one extra large egg..."

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Not tonight. Margie wants to watch some guy deep fry a duck on cable."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'

"Stick to the specials and no one gets hurt."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

'I hope it's okay -- the cookbook had some really confusing abbreviations.'

"Ooops...well, at least you now can see that there are a lot of fresh mushrooms in our soup!"

"1 pinch of salt, 3 pinches of baking soda...oh dear, a cup of flour? How many pinches is that?"

"Hmmm, I'm not sure – I’ll ask our chef when he sobers up."

"Apologies for the delay. Your eggs Benedict should be up soon."

'We need more cake shows!'

Not that one. It's got the chips in it.

"I'm a vegan. I don't know what made me order a cheeseburger. Maybe I've got the flesh eating disease."

Road Kill Cafe.