Food Trend Explorer T-Shirts

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

The Pumpkin Spice Routes

See you at the farmers market!

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

All Natural Nothing

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Is the MSG local?"

Queen of Quinoa

"From right to left, you have your tekkamaki, your futomaki, and then your yamaimo roll. The little pile of pink stuff is ginger, the green one's wasabi. And, of course, you already recognize your vodka martini."

'Is this still America?'

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

Spontaneous Kombucha

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"Fridge-to-table"

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

Pastrami in the wild

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."