Culinary Trend Hunters T-Shirts

"I can take or leave the religion, I worship his gluten free recipes."

"It's kohlrabi, the next hot vegetable."

La Table

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

Queen of Quinoa

"Is the MSG local?"

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

See you at the farmers market!

All Natural Nothing

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

Man's cooking explodes.

Spontaneous Kombucha

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"There must be a place we can wait on line for an hour before eating."

"Who shaves the fennel in your family?"

"D'you remember caramel before it all became 'salted?'"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

I'd like a mocha almond vanilla latte...hold the coffee.

"Here we go again, every 30,000 years or so this Paleo diet becomes a fad."

"Who's been nibbling at my kale house?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Fridge-to-table"

'It's one of those trendy 'warm salads,' with sausage, fried eggs, bacon and black pudding.'

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."