Food Scandal Sleuth Gifts

Thoroughbred Burger Meat

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"He was WOK-ing in a winter wonderland."

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

GM Crops Genie.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

Horse meat scandal.

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

CSI Fridays

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

FDA Ingredients

"Remind me - superfood or carcinogen?"

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

Butcher Shop. Special: Soup Bones! Soup has bones?!

"Your dish will be out just as soon as it clears legal."

'Waiter! There's a . . . oh, never mind.'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

"Careful Nora. There's nothing worse than a bad oyster!"