Food Scandal Sleuth Prints

Thoroughbred Burger Meat

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'I had no idea would be a choice.'

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

GM Crops Genie.

"...I should have seen it coming...The busboys, the waiters, the dishwashers, the maitre d', all stealing shrimp, caviar, lobster, but ah, the strawberries, that's where I had them?"

"How 'local' is the fish?"

Horse meat scandal.

CSI Fridays

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

"Your dish will be out just as soon as it clears legal."

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"Careful Nora. There's nothing worse than a bad oyster!"

"Excuse me, sir! Do these vegetables have any dangerous additives?"