Food Label Detective Prints

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

'This looks good. The first ingredient is calories.'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Peanut Butter Warning: Contains Peanuts.

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

'Pick your own 'Free Range' genetically modified produce'

Trans Fat Free Cookies - Trans fat has killed people. Are you one of them?

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Honest Vending

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"Well, son. . . here your dad makes the famous 'fresh from nature' food!"

'Dorothy - we're not in the health food section anymore.'

"And that's where hot dogs come from."

'Are you the guy who put gluten in the bread?'

GM Crops Genie.

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

Horse meat scandal.

"Your chocolate biscuits and cakes are getting smaller - and where's your sweets aisle?"

"Do you have anything with FOOD in it?"

'Just between you and me, Mrs Frobish, how'd you like the lowdown on what's really in knockwurst?'

The big break in the case of the missing French Fries: 'But just to make sure, can you have each of them squawk.'

Rat Hair: Peanut Butter Ingredient.

Processed foods, unprocessed foods.

'It appears that 'reduced fat' means high fat, 'lo-fat' means plenty of fat, and 'fat-free' means some fat.'

'Police. We have reason to believe you've been hacking into your neighbor's computers and stealing their recipes.'

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

"It's a game changer. . . carrots and hummous batons but we've managed to make them out of sugar."

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'