Food Label Enthusiast Prints

'This chicken was raised on a farm, ate corn and never consumed drugs. That's more than I knew about you when we dated.'

Ultimate generics.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Chiantis In Translation

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

Lack of Nutrition Information

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

Prince.

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

"It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free fange scientists."

Peanut Butter Warning: Contains Peanuts.

'Blessed before 20/01/00'

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

"It's macaroni. We all it pasta as a marketing ploy."

'This looks good. The first ingredient is calories.'

"This year I'm just planting the little signs."

"... stearic acid, amylase, sodium stearoyl lactylate and — hold on. What in the world is C-I-L-A-N-T-R-O?"

'A masters in nutrition, Ph.D. in biochemistry - you'll be perfect for writing our labels.'

"This brand of sugar looks good. The first ingredient is whole wheat flour."

Are we what we eat and what do we actually eat?