Food Label Enthusiast Prints

'This chicken was raised on a farm, ate corn and never consumed drugs. That's more than I knew about you when we dated.'

Ultimate generics.

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

'...Contains Phixe-knide, TBHQ, hydro-cla, Cyklid, Yetfopnmide - and other unpronounceable stuff.' (grocery store)

"Oh darn, there it is right there: side effects may include squid head."

Chiantis In Translation

Now With Organic Artifical Additives

"Boneless, gluten free, vegan, grass fed, free range, bananas."

'Orange juice from 100% carrots'

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Tofu: Firm, Soft, Amusingly Jiggly

Lack of Nutrition Information

'Can't you come up with something more elegant than 'Dave's Homemade Booze'?'

'You have to send in $5 for a decoder ring to decipher the list of ingredients.'

Prince.

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

"Apparently, some of the additives cause a nerve disorder, but others cure it."

Carcinogenic/Non-carcinogenic.

Roseanne4

"Looks like they've simplified the nutritional information."

"It says all the chemical ingredients in this food were made by organic, free fange scientists."

Peanut Butter Warning: Contains Peanuts.

"Label says it's organic. That just means it's made in the State of Organ."

'Blessed before 20/01/00'

"It's macaroni. We all it pasta as a marketing ploy."

'This looks good. The first ingredient is calories.'

"This year I'm just planting the little signs."

"This brand of sugar looks good. The first ingredient is whole wheat flour."

'A masters in nutrition, Ph.D. in biochemistry - you'll be perfect for writing our labels.'

Roseanne4

Market. Uh, oh--Under "Nutritional Facts" they've printed the fifth amendment.