Food Safety Guru Pillows

'How long have you had these cornflakes, Edna?'

Quick, what's the five-second rule in dog years?

What Goldilocks didn't know.

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

French Farmers - "Is this feed approved by ze soil association? - "Oui, ze night soil association."

'Food added to preserve chemicals.'

'Projectile vomiting or non-projectile vomiting?'

'It wasn't long ago that our big worry was insect parts.'

"I love you so much, I could just eat you up."

"What do you recommend today?"

"Aren't you worried you might poison your customers?"

"A tip?... Sure, I have a tip. Try serving the food on clean dishes!"

"Don't blame global warming...YOU'RE the duffs who left the potato salad out in the sun!"

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

Kitchen Kapers

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Honest Vending

HELLth Food Sprouts

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"Please don't kill me."

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

"What do you have that won't kill me?"

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

"I'd hold off on the peking duck another five minutes...the show's almost over."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

"Well, okay I'll eat it. But, only if you have a medical team on stand by."

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"There's a big green giant at the door!"

"The penicillin looks good."

"I'm going in."

Restaurant menu board: 'Day old - 2 day old - 3 day old'