Food Quality Gifts

'Grade A Eggs On A Curve.'

no offence, but I just can't buy food with a shelf life longer than my life expectancy.

"It's a giant banana but is it an organic giant banana?"

"I've given up on trying to improve the quality of my milk: It just ends up mixed with milk from other cows in a big vat..."

"Is this menu recycled?"

'I sent out for everything.'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Circa 1928, The Reese's Candy laboratory.

"Good For You / Bad For You"

Counting ribs

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

Frank moonlights as a Grill Sergeant.

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

Typical Brain Versus Einstein's Brain

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Any time is cake o'clock

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

Every barbecue has its winners and losers.

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

I'm looking for a man who can meet my needs - Cream meringue master-chef.

Party of two? No, it was quite a large party.

Ice Cream Surgeon

What the Doctor Ordered

"States of tofu"

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

'How can we solve this problem by eating?'

"Where do we put Desserts?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Soup of the month.