Food Preservationist Gifts

'There's not use-by date on honey: It pretty much lasts forever...'

Though he created more than 300 products from peanuts, George Washington Carver was unable to change even one of them back into a peanut.

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"States of tofu"

"I'm not having it if it's been genetically modified."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

Endangered Species: Belgian Ostrich.

'In a nutshell, foods are drugged and drugs are eaten like food.'

"We're hoping for a really smooth wine here."

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

"That newspaper has been showing up ever since you started reading the news online. I think it feels betrayed."

Are laboratory grown foods the future of farming?

Newspaper suicide.

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

'According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything.'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

"If we crunch the numbers, it should have zero calories."

A dozen predictions for foods of the future.

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

Bio-Engineered Fruit of the Month Club

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

'Can't stand diary products myself, but a job's a job.'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

Fooling around with those genes...just keeps going.

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

For every Covid-19 death there are 2.5 deaths resulting from dietary risks.

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"And it shall be called peanut butter. And it shall appear as if perishable or in need of refrigeration but in truth it shall remain shelf-stable for months, though the oil may separate and require stirring. And there shall be a crunchy variety and there shall be a smooth variety. And . . ."

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

Frankenfish

Artificial Isle