Food Preservation Gifts

"I freeze all my leftovers until I feel less guilty about throwing them away."

'When you guys invited me over for a jam session, I just assumed...'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

Cryogenic Cookery

The end is nigh

Artizan Pickles, Medicinal Jams & Sage Real Estate Advice

"I say we put it in little tin cans, call it Spammoth and sell it."

One way of making sure your sandwich bag stays securely closed.

'Pickling is my greatest passion and I will pickle just about anything - my dear late husband thought that I was a little crazy...'

"...and make sure you get food with plenty of preservatives in it"

Kid says 'My mom and I are into canning.'

'There's not use-by date on honey: It pretty much lasts forever...'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

"I've learnt to preserve food through salting or smoking to break the 'Feast or Famine' cycle. . ."

"Behold! As I transform this family size frozen lasagna into a meal for one."

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

Nature versus commerce.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

'I cleaned over thirty fish today.' - 'That takes guts.'

Kitchen Kapers

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Honest Vending

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

PREPARING A POMEGRANATE FOR DUMMIES

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'I want to immortalise the area in a painting before it is changes for ever.' (Artist is scooped up by a digger.)