Food Preservation Pal Gifts

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'I guess my brain just started to really care about itself.'

'Now, think hard about it: Do you want to be known as the one who ate the last Dodo?'

Happy Surrogate Thanksgiving

"I wish we were just called T-Rex..."

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Wow, are all these desserts for here, or are you going to stuff your faces in the privacy of your own home?'

"You had me at alternative milk."

'Of course, I'm proud of you but I don't think he would be a healthy after school snack.'

"I'm going to prepare a special dish for Thanksgiving dinner."

'Bront?saurus.'

"I've had 720 children. I hope they're all doing well."

"Hundreds of eggs a year, and I've never seen a vet. The Mare has one foal, and it's the Mayo Clinic."

'You're eating too much roughage.'

I've got to monitor all chatter in the cafe to prevent future pastry thefts. I don't know … What if you've got a scone thief for a neighbor, or a friend, or even a family member? Sure, today it's just a scone. But the next attack could be huge – the big one! You don't mean … Hoagie. They're trying to destroy our whole way of life.

Food inspection results

'Wait till the big dumb nut gets home and finds out he's got a wig.'

How the bones got into the Le Brea Tar Pits

'There's not use-by date on honey: It pretty much lasts forever...'

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."

T-Rex Baseball

'Don't look now, but here comes some natural selection.'

One young wife asking another if she finds it more economical to do her own cooking.

"I'll repeat the question! Does this axe belong to you?"

"Just you wait!"

Are the tomatoes bioengineered locally. Produce.

'Not the funky chicken?'

Check the Chicken fingers on Table seven

I will eat my greens for you (today!)

"And then in Italy Paola's collection of canned tomatoes is unrivaled"

The little preservative that could

"Have they no shame?"

"I say we put it in little tin cans, call it Spammoth and sell it."