Food Preservation Buff Gifts

"And then in Italy Paola's collection of canned tomatoes is unrivaled"

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

would you like it with extra botulism and a touch of salmonella?

Honest Vending

"Please don't kill me."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"I hope you're not using any of the canned food I so diligently stockpiled.

'Don't worry it's organic...'

'Ugh, I hate food with preservatives.'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

Macho Vegetarian

Frankenfish

A genetically-modified,hydroponically-grown tomato conducts a taste-test of its own.

'Isn't it great? It gives us four times the storage space as a regular fridge!'

Food inspection results

"Uncle Tod's Reviews"

Quick, what's the five-second rule in dog years?

Genetically-Modified Foods: Are they safe?

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"What do you recommend today?"

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

Mankind's earliest ancestor emerges from the primordial ooze, closely followed by a prehistoric species of re-sealable plastic containers.

"But for an update in GM products in farming we have a spokescarrot."

"Are there any reports of illness at this table?"

"He bought a thermometer for me, and I'm not even sick."

"We might be in trouble – the environment people have cited us as a hazardous waste site."

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

"It's only the Ericksons, so why don't you just use the recalled hamburger meat."

"Well, just when can you call for it, Mr. Harper?"

"There's a free pudding for whoever finds the Chef's glass eye."

One young wife asking another if she finds it more economical to do her own cooking.

"Aren't you worried you might poison your customers?"

"You're lucky your garden failed. If I'd had to can it, it would've been your marriage."