Food Portion Fanatic Gifts

Diet dishes.

Counting ribs

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Important Food Groups

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Benihana style of cooking.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

Kitchen Kapers

The Streets - Night

Would you be willing to sign something regarding the fat content of your burger? Like what? My colon.

Burnt or Raw?

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

CAUTION: Creative genius at work

'So this is goodbye then!'

"We add an eighteen percent gratuity for parties of six or more."

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

All-Day Breakfast

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Can you reinvent the classic grilled cheese for me?"

"As you can guess, Rico is my role model."

North Fork, the town too tough to diet.

Will work for Food Network.

Looking at belt - "One more notch, room for desert."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"More croutons, sir?"

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

Attack of the 'health' foods

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

The Nihilist Deli.

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'