Food Marketer Gifts

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

Meats

"Where can I find your organic, locally raised children?"

All Organic Pork: "Naturally smoked bacon my ass."

Curds & Whey. Low Sodium. Fat Free. Instant. Organic. Lite. Brown Sugar. Reduced Fat. No Cholesterol. With Spider Marshmallows. Updating the Classics.

"I hear he's trying to raise the tone of the place."

City Natural Foods.

This is the new chicken product, poulet ding! I suppose the 'ding' is the sound of the microwave.

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"The leadership team wants a catchy acronym for a new social media app they're calling Functional Applied Relationship Tracker. Any suggestions?"

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

'How fast can you hype?'

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"In recognition of last month's little upward blip, I suggest we allow ourselves a spontaneous victory fist bump."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

Sherlock Holmes selling Sherlock Holmes.

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

'This is a 'placebo' line. It serves no purpose but it makes us feel good.'

"I'm razzled, but not dazzled."

Dressed for Success!

A man peddles U.S. flags on the sidewalk, next to a man peddling copies of the U.S. constitution

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

"...but the big question is, does the competition know that we don't know what we don't know?"

"A dozen eggs and a pint of semi-skimmed...Sorry, looks like I left my presentation in my other coat."

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Creative department

"We don't call them 'horns' anymore. They're interactive audio crash deterrent stimulators."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

Important Food Groups

Pity vs. Bragging and Public Relations