Food Lovers With A Dry Sense Of Humor Gifts

Driest croissant in all the world.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

Better Not Squash.

Cooking with Pierre

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

'Good news - we're merging with Mellman's Jelly and Alpine Toast.'

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

'He's cured.'

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'The Big Beg Theory'

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

'This week, the secret ingredient on Iron chef is . . . Iron. Good luck, suckas.'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"There - now it's a mashed potato. Anything else?"

The Leaning Tower of Pizza

"You're losing your everything."

"Are you gonna eat that garlic bread?"

Winter lunch.

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"The reason your meringue is crushed is because I distinctly heard you tell me to 'Step on it'."

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

"The Normans are coming and I can't decide on whether to pour a simple consomme on them, or a more complex bisque."

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

'The hair in the soup provides fiber.'