Food Lovers With A Dry Sense Of Humor Gifts

Driest croissant in all the world.

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

Filet minion

Better Not Squash.

Cooking with Pierre

"Sorry Sir, but what exactly were you expecting to be served when you ordered the 'early bird special'."

"Here's the pub-grub you ordered"

'I thought a perfect martini would cover the 'well balanced' requirement of my night to cook.'

"Mixed nuts are brain food, or so I read in 'Mixed Nut Digest'."

"Man does not live by chips alone. There's also guacamole."

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

"The other waiters just spit in the food of rude customers, not in their faces!"

'Of course I'd never have so much as looked at Timothy if it wasn't for his nose for truffles.'

'So this is a kitchen!'

'How did you get your pastry so thin?' Steam roller.

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'How many Breadsticks have you eaten?'

"Say hello to my little friend!"

"You're losing your everything."

The Leaning Tower of Pizza

'Look, I didn't know they had salad bars on these flights...'

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

'Of course, the peas are fresh. I personally opened the can myself.'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"The Normans are coming and I can't decide on whether to pour a simple consomme on them, or a more complex bisque."

"Are you gonna eat that garlic bread?"

"It's not my fault he keeps forgetting to bring food to the potlucks."

Octopie: octopus in a pie pan.