Food Joker Gifts

Have you ever noticed how well this stuff fills in the cracks between blocks of the food pyramid?!

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"How fresh is the calamari?"

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Pope tarts.

I used to eat plenty of natural foods, but then I found out that most people die of natural causes.

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

'He's all eyes!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

'It had taken some time, but the finding of a spaghetti junction brought immense satisfaction.'

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"Introducing the Schultzaccino. Neither tea nor coffee."

I'll try the cod surprise.

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'

'Your tomato ketchup is on it's way, Sir...'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

Frisbee dog catching pizza dough

Middle Age Spread.

"Just how rare is this steak..."

'Purpose of visit?'

Virgin Olive Oil. Not-Virgin-But-Has-A-Heart-Of-Gold Olive Oil.

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'It's her signature dish.'