Grocery Joker Gifts

Envrionmental Disasters

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

"How fresh is the calamari?"

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

Husband bakes a pie

"Gigot de sept heures."

"More helium."

'I had the recipe upside down, so it's beefed corn.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

"Eat more pizza and doughnuts and stop exercising. Just kidding, you should see your face!"

"You're right. The sunscreen does taste like ranch dressing."

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

A man flips a pancake onto a child's head

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

'Yes, chocolate moose.'

"We know you boosted that milk truck!" "Admit it or we'll take a bite outta you!"

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

'The stuff legends are made of'

'Make it four beers and an '02 Brunello di Montalcino, if you've got it, for you-know-who.'

Spaghetti Mummy

'It's her signature dish.'

"Do you have a dollar menu?"

'Yes, I'd like the chef pan-fried, marinated in his disgusting sauce and charcoal grilled.'

"Pecan pie with rum-raisin ice cream is the best revenge."

"I see you've brought your own bag."