Culinary Jokers Gifts

Dried Herbs

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

''ere - I thought you said your pans were non-stick!'

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

Bangers and Mash

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'The Burrito King.'

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

A Club Sandwitch.

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"What do you suggest...the tuna fish or the peanut butter and jellyfish sandwich?"

Pope tarts.

"What happened to the thin crust guy I married?"

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"Bottled, tap or toilet water?"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

'The following programme contains scones of a sexual nature.'

Onion operation.

A Pirate Egg Prisoner about to Walk the Plank into a boiling pot of water

"The Knuckle Sandwich is good."

'Do you want toast with that?'