Food Industry Humorist Pillows

Sausage Machine

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

Lesser known greek gods,

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'The Burrito King.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Dolphin friendly tuna

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

A Club Sandwitch.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

Garlic Free Zone.

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'