Food Chain Humorist Gifts

"Okay, remember Wildlife 101. He's probably more scared of me than I am of him."

Musical Frog

"Good news, the migration has started: The wildebeests are coming!"

Dolphin friendly tuna

Cat Plastic Canvas Decoration Hungry for Bird Plastic Canvas Decoration

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'The Burrito King.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. We're all out of pressed duck, sir, but I can put the squeeze on some chicken for you.

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"Charles didn't like tofu."

Garlic Free Zone.

I'm freshwater. Make it a margarita without salt.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"