Food Chain Humorist Gifts

"Okay, remember Wildlife 101. He's probably more scared of me than I am of him."

Musical Frog

"Good news, the migration has started: The wildebeests are coming!"

Dolphin friendly tuna

Cat Plastic Canvas Decoration Hungry for Bird Plastic Canvas Decoration

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"That's it. We’re toast."

Soup of the month.

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

'The Burrito King.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"That’s a toaster. It’s a tanning bed for bread."

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Garlic Free Zone.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

"Charles didn't like tofu."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'