Food Analyzer Gifts

Lack of Nutrition Information

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

Sure, I'll take a sandwich

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

"Dad, did you know Tia Carmen got a job at my school cafeteria?"

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"I changed my mind - I don't want any shredded cheese on my salad."

"We can serve a rare handburger, but because of health regulations, this room will have to be heated to 160 degrees."

"Be right with you - just need to call for a tow truck and change today's 'Catch of the Day' to venison."

'Advanced warning: High cholesterol 10mtrs ahead.'

'Use by June 2007. Gah' - 'Use by July 2007. Double gah.' - 'Best of a bad bunch...'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'If that is a toenail, it is a French toenail.'

Chef swatting flies into a bowl in a sushi bar.

"It says it's 100% ground beef. Only bones, brains, butts and eyeballs. Absolutely no pink slime added..."

'Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.'

'Why on Earth would you ask if this turkey is genetically modified?'

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

Food Uncertainty

Your friend, Ernie, is an impressive, multi-talented guy! He's been a actor in the theater, in archeologist, and now he's a diplomat! He hasn't been any of those things. He used to install doors. Oh, he told me he was "applauded for his entrances." And he was an inspector, book for expired yogurt, at the dairy warehouse. He said he "searcher for ancient cultures." Now he sells mattresses. You think he's a diplomat? Yeah, he told me he's "devoted to eliminating unrest in the world"

'The food inspector, Sir!'

'What did you find in your soup?'

'I just have time to make some toast, analyze its particle sizes, its density, its chemisorption...'

Why Chemists shouldn't take their work home "I can't believe it's not b-b-vegetable mono & dyglycerides!"

The food inspector

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

Continue eating. Pay no attention to me. I'm from the food and drug administration.

'Ey-up, here comes the boss!'

"Ah, here you are... I see you made the mistake of tasting your own cooking."

"I fear this place is going downhill."

"It's not gravy. Your French Fries fell on the floor."