Follicular Philosopher Gifts

"Ambitions... To have a bad hair day."

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

"Call me?"

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'The hair specialist is down the hall.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

"Wait... what was it I came up here for?"

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

Reverse psychology

Beyond the known and the unknown.

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"Death coach..."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Cars follow the sign to the mall rather than the sign to the manger.

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

'He wants some hair restorer for his birthday.'

Park cleaner orders leaf to come down.

"...I want to find out whether there's any truth in the belief that money can't buy happiness."

Rodin's 'The Thinker' imagines himself as Rodin's 'The Kiss'.

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"