Folk Medicine Practitioner Gifts

"My super-vision sees...someone yelling at his elders...Cousin Cecilia sneaking out her window...someone making a spinach burrito... No! I must stay focused...and find the evil villain mal de ojo!"

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

Super-Tia makes Mal de Ojo undo its curse!

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

'You've got, like, a Feng Shui problem with your pancreas, dude.'

"Looks like your Yang is on the move again."

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

If all else falls...Mom's Chicken Soup

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

Pediatrics: Anatomy

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

Art Garfunkel.

"I've had a sore throat ever since we moved near the airport!"

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

'Thyme heals all wounds.'

"And now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto, Number One, first movement."

Extreme Naturopathic Medicine.

'...Stop trying to funk it up.'

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

Witch Doctor

"I'd like a note excusing me from my wife's childbirth!"

"I'm a retired doctor."

Family planning - 'I was thinking something low maintenance.'

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

"For the love of God Billy, you've got to stop putting things up your nose!"

Acupuncture clinic

"Very funny."

"The Doctor is just wonderful!! He listens to all my irrelevant, boring stories!"

"Oooo. That's cold."

'This next one I wrote myself. It's about pain, misery and heartbreak, until I finally wised up and dumped him.'

Spinning violinist

'I delivered him during the second act of Les Miserables. I delivered her during the first act of Phantom of the Opera. This one I deliveried. . .'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

'Let's play alternative health provider.'