Fluffy Funeral Planner Pillows

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

'When he comes through that door, let's all jump up and give him a big kiss!'

"It is now that moment when a close family member tries to speak of the deceased without choking up."

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."

'Yes, death signifies a cosmic change of address. Alas, your husband's mail will not be forwarded.'

'Oh no! I forgot to change his ring tone to the funeral march!'

"He intends to die with dignity, he desires a modest funeral, and he's determined to prevent the buzzards from getting any part of the estate."

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"I know I agreed to hold a funeral for Wendy's goldfish...but did she have to ask Reverend Clark to officiate?"

A signaller directing pallbearers

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"I didn't have much of a life before Corky, so he was a rescue."

'You'd look good in that.'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'I tend to bury stuff.'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

'I wouldn't be seen dead in a cardboard coffin!'

'I hope you both have many happy years together!'

"Hell of a way to end the summer."

RIP...snores are coming from the grave.

"The doctors said it's just one of the side effects of the medication he's on."

It was his final wish.

'I'm looking for something with more legroom.'

'I want to be buried in the smoking section!'

"We also have urns, if you want to think outside the box."

"She requested a twilight service because she wasn't a mourning person."

"He always said he was going to take it with him."

"By the way, your phone's dead, so I've taken care of everything."

Budget Cremations

'I'd like to try some coffins.' - 'Let me show you our standard size.' - 'It feels a bit tight around the waist.' - 'How are you looking to die?' - 'I don't know, really.' - 'I'd recommend a wasting disease.' -

'It was his last request. He was a track star in college.'

'Yeah, I've been lucky. My business is pretty darned recession-proof.'

'Couldn't you just spontaneously combust!'

U-can take it with you funerals.

'His pacemaker's lasting longer than he did.'