Florida Resident With A Twist Gifts

'You live in Florida, so how the devil did you catch baseball fever!?'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

Call Your Office

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

"No, I'm not building a raft. I'm building a double bed!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but Dostoyevsky is not considered summer reading. I'll have to ask you to come with me."

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Try and ride Brexit the donkey

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

Shrink's Summer Job

How melanoma researchers take family summer vacations.

'Bond prices will start falling when interest rate's rise!'

"Listen, girl: It's been three days, we're lost and out of food. I need you to find a radio that has the Bruins game on ..."

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

Turn that noise down !

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

Handicapped Accessible Hydrant

'Is this the way to the beach?'