Florida Resident With A Twist Gifts

'You live in Florida, so how the devil did you catch baseball fever!?'

'Now Featuring Gas-Fired Microwave Campfires!'

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

"The guide book sys it's the best B.&B. in the Carpathians."

Call Your Office

"I've got a better view on my smart phone."

"I'll bet you can't name three of their songs."

"Ah...summer...and umbrellas as far as you can see...it reminds me of England!"

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

"No, I'm not building a raft. I'm building a double bed!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but Dostoyevsky is not considered summer reading. I'll have to ask you to come with me."

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

Tarzan mobile phone

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

Try and ride Brexit the donkey

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

Shrink's Summer Job

How melanoma researchers take family summer vacations.

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

"Listen, girl: It's been three days, we're lost and out of food. I need you to find a radio that has the Bruins game on ..."

Turn that noise down !

'Bond prices will start falling when interest rate's rise!'

'I thought you said inflatables were allowed on the beach.'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'Is this the way to the beach?'

"It's true that the basement's flooded, but it's stocked."