Homeowners With A Twist Gifts

'If you promise to never try to open the locked attic door, the owner will take $20,00 off!'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

Painting by the numbers for adults

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

'And this is Eddy, he's been giving virtual tours long before computers.'

'Grrrr....'

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

"Yes, Madame, Teletubbies."

A cock up of builders

Gypsy curses didn't seem so threatening after the Mummy went into the peg business.

"The pH level seems a little off."

'The Hunt family have solved the problem of the fire ants.'

"To be honest, I'd be stupid not to take advantage of the market."

'This fish looked bored so we installed a rec room below their tank.'

How's this mulch for improving my soil? Not good. It's full of toxic wood chips. They poison the dirt and don't decompose. Just what I need. Subprime loam.

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

'Hey! By appointment only!!'

'You can't beat the old style security systems!'

"Well, as a matter of fact, no, you didn't tell us you kept exotic pets when you sold us the house!"

"Decaf for me, Peter."

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

'If you promise to never try to openthe locked attic door, the owner will take $20,000 off!'

"It was one of the things they kept after selling the ski resort."

'You don't know how lucky you are. My mortgage is worth more than my house.'

"...and I can assure you that our price increases will be more competitive than those of other providers."

'What do you mean, you forgot about the coalmining search?'

I hurt my back and then a pipe broke flooding my house

'It has to have big living room, he has a sixty inch rock.'

Americans More Optimistic

"Homeowner please help."

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

"We have a termite problem."