Floral Humorist Gifts

"You're welcome. Glad you like them."

'Mom, of course I could be the father of her child! When that pollen starts spreading all over the place, who knows where it could land?'

"We'd like something with rather less bouquet."

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

'Ugh Look The whole garden is just one giant cat toilet'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

Conference Pears

'You certainly went to town growing all that lettuce so I've dressed for dinner.'

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Little Farm Shop of Horrors with G.M produce turned into man eating plant

Executive grows martinis in his garden.

Man is injured transporting cacti.

The beautiful but deadly 'Venus dog trap'.

"Where are the perineums?" "Aisle 3. Between the vaginas and the rectums."

F&E Landscape Architects. Ground cover plants are the Peter Pan of landscape design. The never "grow up"!

"Psst...The grass is a plant!"

Garden Shop: Pig $#!@ and Sheep $#!@

"Lift your stems."

Avoid Constant Borrowing

Woman Planting Flowers in her Snow Covered Garden.

Do not abuse the Lawn

The festive season brings it's own interesting little chores...and well earned rewards.

"I've discovered why it isn't cutting the grass properly - it's a vacuum cleaner."

Venus fly trap.

Mystery vegetable growing in plot.

"What seems to be the problem?"

Cactus Hold Up

"It's a crank call - just heavy transpiration."

"Here's a less known Jane Austen novel that you might enjoy. It's about carpentry and lawn care, called 'Fence and Fencibility."

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Bathing Flowers.

I've discovered green fingers are of little help if you've got bad breath.

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'