Flood Preparer Gifts

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

A Hole in the Dike

"We'll always have Paris..."

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

"I can see our house from here."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Relax. This is only a test.'

"What do you mean, 'Climate change is not just humbug?'"

Disasters

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

"Remember, there are 4 types of questions on the Advanced Placement tests: multiple choice, document based, essay and 'How would you like to drive big rigs for a living?'"

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

"....rather than spend millions on a potentially fruitless effort to avoid flooding we've decided to focus on public safety!"

Chelsea flower show sewage

Honey, wake up

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'Should we upgrade the levees or just go hydroponic?'

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

'It's the plumber ... '

'Oy! Don't you realise there's a hosepipe ban?'

Master Plumber

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

'It's a very nice house, when the tide is out.'

How To Deal With The Upcoming Recession, Inflation, Depression, Ice Age, Greenhouse Effect, Energy Crunch, Population Explosion, and Complete End of the World in the Year 2000.

''Go with the flow' may be a bad way to put it.'

'This place has been bailed out more often than Greece.'

Pet fish flooding the house.