Flood Preparer Gifts

'I'm building an ark because the polar ice caps are melting.'

A Hole in the Dike

"We'll always have Paris..."

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"I intend to stay in this job, come Hell or high water."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"I just got a text message from our dehumidifier. It says it doesn't know how much more of this rain it can take."

'Relax. This is only a test.'

"We have to recognise that severe weather events are becoming more common. . ."

Disasters

"What do you mean, 'Climate change is not just humbug?'"

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

"Remember, there are 4 types of questions on the Advanced Placement tests: multiple choice, document based, essay and 'How would you like to drive big rigs for a living?'"

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

"Maybe this is insignificant, what with everything going on in the world, but do we have a fire extinguisher?"

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

"....rather than spend millions on a potentially fruitless effort to avoid flooding we've decided to focus on public safety!"

"Ned is getting ready for the oceans to rise."

Chelsea flower show sewage

'If you can smile when everything around you is going wrong... you're probably in the repair business!'

'Should we upgrade the levees or just go hydroponic?'

'It's the plumber ... '

"Actually we were hoping for something a little more sensible..."

"People seem to be saying, Christmas is early, much earlier than they did last year."

Master Plumber

'It's a very nice house, when the tide is out.'

Official in flooded office says: 'A decision on lifting the hosepipe ban will be made in due course.'

'Oy! Don't you realise there's a hosepipe ban?'

How To Deal With The Upcoming Recession, Inflation, Depression, Ice Age, Greenhouse Effect, Energy Crunch, Population Explosion, and Complete End of the World in the Year 2000.

'This place has been bailed out more often than Greece.'

''Go with the flow' may be a bad way to put it.'

Pet fish flooding the house.

"Hi, I'm your new neighbour. I work as a maintenance engineer on the Thames Flood Barrier."