Fiscal Comedians Pillows

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

'I realize you're a tax paying American citizen, but you cannot list the government as a dependent.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

Footing The Bill

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

"Okay, what if we go outside - will it still be insider trading then?"

Fiscal cliff

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

Ancient Greece. "The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates. Socrates clearly lived in a time before IRS audits.

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'