Fiscal Comedians Gifts

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

'I realize you're a tax paying American citizen, but you cannot list the government as a dependent.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

Yes, they are all dependants."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'Sorry, folks! The CEO and Board of Directors didn't show up.'

"Rapunzel,Rapunzel.Throw down your accounts for the last fiscal year!"

"Well, I'm sorry. The 3 wishes I'm granting can't exceed the annual exclusion of $14,000."

'That's it gentlemen, we're broke. Anybody know any good jokes?'

Footing The Bill

"I just asked to see his tax returns. It was supposed to be funny."

'How about a windfall tax on baked beans?'

Fiscal cliff

"We went dutch - he must have reached his two-hundred-dollar dating deductible."

'Tax inspector: In. Out. Suicide notes.'

"I know they say that laughter at work is healthy, but not when they're laughing at our profit forecasts!"

IRS, 'You filed your tax return two days late -- Why do you hate America?'

"And do you promise to love, honor, and cherish each other, and to pay the United States government more in taxes as a married couple than you would have paid if you had just continued living together?"

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

Ever sensitive about its image, the IRS tries a more service-oriented approach.

'He's testing my Hippocratic Oath. He wors for the IRS.'

'This drug treats 'stock market jitters' but a side effect is 'irrational exuberance'.'

Earl was obviously distressed, as he recounted under hypnosis how aliens had abducted him, and had their tax inspectors thoroughly examine his books.

"Actually we're one of the few businesses that enjoy VAT visits."

"We invested everything we had in our marriage."

"Stop saying, 'Capital,' Gaines."

'It only made sense for us to finally merge.'

"Do you have any receipts from this this 'alien abduction'?"

'Historically, the population decline started when the Dodo Government introduced a tax on flying...'

'Slaug-ter house? I wonder what that is. C'mon, I'll race you!'

TELLER, 'Thirty-seven dollars? -- you call THAT overdrawn?'

'My records show that you haven't filed a tax return for 17 years!'