Fiscal Humorist Pillows

"It's the government, they've spent all our taxes and want to know if we can send them some more."

"Only one thing could be worse than paying income tax. Not having to pay it."

Exchange Rate Going Down the Plughole

'...and if my taxes are cut, I promise to stimulate the economy.'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent pay-as-you-go plan of just 2,359 easy payments."

"Pearson is known for his austere monetary views."

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"Unfortunately Daddy already owes the government about 500,000 Pokemon cards."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

Money Bar.

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

'How to time the market' seminar - 2pm, postponed to 3pm, then to 4pm.

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

'This is our golden anniversary. Let's invest in gold.'

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

You invested in Facebook?! How could you? That bugs you? You, of all people, are mad that the FTC is suing Meta Platforms in an antitrust case? No, I mean how can you afford to invest? If you can afford to buy stock, then I pay you way too much. It was only $40! Quiet, I'm calculating your pay cut.

'Mr. Hickey really knows how to keep our stockholders meetings short and sweet!'

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'