First-time Home Buying Gifts

"I thought we'd start by looking at some properties that are way over your budget. Just to give you an idea of what you'll have to settle for."

"You've heard of the bank that likes to say 'yes', well we're the bank that likes to say ****off."

'It's not fair Mum, I can't even afford to live in a flip-flop.'

'Good points...It's cheap, it's well located. The bad points...Granted it's small and you'll have to fight the dog for it.'

"You've heard of the bank that likes to say 'yes' well we're the bank that likes to laugh in your face unless you've got an 80% deposit."

"Son, one day two hundred square feet of this city could be yours to rent."

'One day, son, none of this will be yours...'

'I will now make these excellent mortgage deals disappear!'

'Mom, dad, we decided to save our money and live with you.'

'I don't think our marriage can survive in 394 square feet of living space.'

'How do you like it as a whole?' - 'As a hole it's fine. As a house it's lousy.'

"I'm going to look for a mortgage...I may be some time!"

House prices remain out of reach for most first-time buyers...

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

Flat Nav - Still not in your price range.

Estate agent client

Realty: Completely Unaffordable, Total Pipe Dream, Why do you keep doing this to yourself?

"We could move to Brooklyn, or we could live in a tent."

"It's a great Fixer-Upper and this is Ken, single, available and a pretty decent handyman."

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

"We have some little cookie cutter houses you might like."

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.