First Home Purchase Gifts

"Bad news- that's just for the lawn."

'...And a free set of tools goes with it.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

This apartment is 300 square feet but, with judicious use of sliding separating walls, it feels like 1200 square feet.

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

"I'll carry you over a regular threshold, darling, as soon as the housing market improves."

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

Real estate.

"This looks intersting. Three bedrooms, two and a half scratching posts..."

''Deceptively Spacious'? Well, er, that basically means that if it looks any bigger than a broom cupboard then your eyes are deceiving you!'

'Don't worry about your daughter Sir: I'll find us a dump to live in...'

'It's the only affordable housing we could afford.'

"I'm afraid all you can afford is an enormous dairy farm."

Homeless elderly parents - 'Isn't it nice that our kids are finally on the property ladder?'

"It's all I could get."

"This is an ideal property for the first time mug...Er...I mean buyer."

House.

'These prices make a mockery of our Monopoly board!'

'Don't be alarmed at closing when you sign you name so many times you don't recognize your own signature.'

'Well I think everything is in order. Congratulations on your new home!'

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

'...how much is this brick?'

"... It's a housing bubble."

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."

Homeowners.

"It's perfect."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"They're well detached from my wallet."

"This room is always bathed in the most beautiful sunlight. Except at night of course."

"What you have to ask yourself is, do you want to get on the property ladder or not?"

"I'm afraid your budget won't stretch to four bedrooms and a garden, would you consider one bedroom with a shared bathroom and access to a communal alley?"

"The flat was really cheap, but we forgot to check our the 'rights of way'."

"Of course it's a bit out of your price range but you could always think about subletting."

'Here's a nice one, 'The Oaks', but where are the oaks?'