First English Assignment Gifts

"My essay is titled Essay: Educational Tool or Tired Cliche?"

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

'What amazes me most is that years ago I couldn't even spell teacher - now I are one!'

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

Contemporary English Lesson: The Cat was Sat on the Mat.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

'Yes, grammar rules do evolve over time, but making up your own to 'stay ahead of the curve' won't work in this English class!'

Sometimes Y Turn

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

"You're writing a memoir? You're seven years old. Do you honestly think you can capture the interest of readers with such a short—wait, is that my name?!"

A man looking into a mirror saying "HA!"; his reflection looking back at him from the mirror is saying "!AH".

'I'm reporting you to the Department of Education!'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Plain English group.

'Real hungry? Should be, 'Really hungry.' Adjectives take adverbs.'

'And I thought I went on and on...'

A Semicolon.

'Yes, I speak perfect English, I have to 'cause you English are too bloody lazy to learn French!'

'The only thing I'm sure of is death and taxes and home work.'

Grammarian.

'My teacher said the school has tough new standards and I need to improve my vocabulary. What's 'Vocabulary'?'

"Term paper?! How do we do that? We haven't done a term paper all year!"

'Sorry buddy, read the sign. That means no ifs, ands, or buts.'

'I'm a gnu, but I think the 'N' is silent.'

'Oh, no, not another spelling bee!'

'Every single piece of homework handed in this morning - there couldn't have been much on TV last night!'

'Please Miss, why does 'Earl's Court' have an apostrophe but 'barons Court' doesn't?'

Phonetic Man

Exclamation Marks chasing the Question Mark.

'The dog ate the flash drive with my homework on it...but I hope to get it back real soon!'

'....and in this ward, a school teacher, teaches English - bad car crash - his pupils have already been in to see him.'

"You don't need to sacrifice good grammar in order to talk dirty."

'Stupid teacher! - I have to do a report on a book that hasn't even been made into a MOVIE!'

Citations Needed!

'Why English teachers were rarely hung in the old west.'