First Edition Aficionado Gifts

"Try this one. It's a first edition."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Child's Drawing (With Elephantiasis)

Treasure Island Book.

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Editor.

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

"Outré or simply bad?"

John Masefield.

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

'You're no Pollock.'

"A conundrum, rather than an outright mess, I think, Mrs Ellis..."

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'

Tess of the Dirigibles

"Is this 'pollocks'."