First Edition Aficionado Gifts

"Try this one. It's a first edition."

'It's called 'Oh Bugger It!' if you must know!'

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

'Look! The new long awaited, highly anticipated but ultimately disappointing novel by that guy you like.'

'Now, keep in mind that these numbers are only as accurate as the fictitious data, ludicrous assumptions and wishful thinking they're based upon!'

Child's Drawing (With Elephantiasis)

Treasure Island Book.

'You'll enjoy our staff meetings. We always begin and end with the product.'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

"It said this 'Spilt Coffee' series afforded her a lifetime of lattes."

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'I chose my field on what would put the most impressive initials after my name.'

"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."

'I'm going to add to the confusion. I'm going to sign my name upside-down.'

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Editor.

"Outré or simply bad?"

'Sorry, we can't offer you a job but we would like to publish your CV.'

Shaman reads magazine entitled 'Witch Doctor'.

'You're no Pollock.'

"A conundrum, rather than an outright mess, I think, Mrs Ellis..."

'This is the painting he was about to start when he shot himself.'

John Masefield.

'Right, moving on to the housekeeping...'

Jackson Pollock makes a mistake: 'Guess I'll have to start over.'

'...and what's more, they're all first editions.'

"Our first order of business will be the new speed bump in the parking lot."

'Did anyone hand in a mature stilton last week?'

"Is this 'pollocks'."

Rudyard Kipling

Tess of the Dirigibles

'I'm writing a novel using our marriage as inspiration. It's called, 'This Sucks'.'

'You're not supposed to block off an area to look for your contact lens.'