First Date Fiasco Appreciator Pillows

'THAT'S your ringtone - I'd like you to take me home now,'

In Desperate Straits.

'Eloise! Come back! I was just going to show you some of the equipment we use in veterinary school...'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

"Your profile didn't mention you being a chewer."

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"I guess your reputation for tipping has preceded you!"

"You have to get up early tomorrow, too? We have so much in common!"

We've been dating for about 30 minutes, so things are still going well. Please send over the waiter immediately, before everything goes down the toilet. Menu.

"Oh, for butter curls on ice!"

Sorry, I don't play footsie on the first date. Neither do I. I guess that leaves rats.

'When it comes to romance, Sherlock doesn't have a clue!'

"Our violinist isn't here tonight, but Tony here will be happy to play something romantic on his cymbals for you."

"I would gladly explain it to you, Allison. But, for your information, it's inexplicable."

"The dinner date was a disaster! I realised he was still a "Mama's Boy" when I saw he was expecting me to regurgitate his food..."

"If it's all the same to you, Kevin, I'd like to continue observing the six-foot-rule."

"Tell me about yourself... what you do, where you live, the last four digits of your social security number..."

'What happens when your little sister misses her toy money?'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'Hi, I'm Raoul...I shall be your talking point of the evening.'

Man wearing t-shirt with "As seen" slogan

"So this is what we call a 'red flag'..."

"Some people think accountants are just boring number crunchers but statistics show that 43% of 456 people covering 56% of the total demographic were 67% sure that we're really a lot of fun!"

"I like long walks on the beach and beautiful sunsets, too...but who are you?"

"Once again, Dave blew the date when his instincts got the better of his etiquette."

'I'm a herbologist. I study this guy.'

Nailed him on the first date.

Your shoulders are like silk. For some reason, when my skin crawls, it feels smooth.

"Would you ask the chef to hurry? We're running out of conversation."

"Are you 'Athletic, bronzed male, early thirties seeking buxom, fun-loving younger female'?"

'Can you suggest a wine to go with someone who's going to be hitting the road as soon as this date is over?'

'It is so nice going out with a man who isn't weird.'

"Well, would you like to tell me anything about you now or shall I carry on where I left off?"

'Hand me your issue of esquire. I have a hot date.'

"So now I guess I'll have to meet your friends."