Firework-free Champion Gifts

"Our forefathers died to give us our most cherished freedom. The fight to absolutely terrify every dog and cat in the land every 4th of July."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'Don't leave baby alone with this really cool tiny phone. It's a choking hazard.'

'I don't like being a crash dummy either but there are some jobs humans won't do.'

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

"Just one last crossing to make..."

"Always give a good, firm handshake...then immediately sanitize your hands."

'Well, I must be going. I have some shopping to do with the money you saved by acting as your own lawyer.'

"I bet you kids are all losing your minds without a wi-fi signal."

"I'm a stay-at-home mom without kids."

4th of July and PTSD

"Today a protest at the White House..."

'You have to go where the market takes you.'

Only Larry showed a look of concern as he remembered his mother's warnings that he should never run with Scissors.

"Poor baby! You can come out now... all that nasty banging has stopped!"

"Oh, quit looking so uncomfortable! It's a pool party! You can't wear a cape and formal wear to a pool party."

"OK, you have your assignments for today, and remember, safety first: Ensure the kids wear their riding helmets..."

'Safety on the beach.'

"Shame on you - using a plastic straw!"

"Have you decided what household object you're hiding under this July 4th?"

When vegans pose for photos.

'Really, I'm not scared of fireworks, but I use them as an excuse to run away for a few hours...'

Job Safety - Safety Goal.

"You lose! Those can't cut anything."

'We all have to maintain our personal boundaries. I'm prepared to maintain mine with pepper spray.'

Gen Z

Will the last person to quit smoking please empty the ashtray!

'How's the new company car?'

'What can I say? The Feng Shui in the litter box was off.'

'We cured your cigarette addiction, but you now need treatment for nicotine patch addiction.'

Humbug! What has health and safety ever done ! Apart from dramatically reduce accidents at work...cut serious injuries...reduce time off sick...

'Do you think I overdid the eco stuff?'

'Boy, I'm glad I've met you: It is so hard to find a partner who, like me, doesn't want children...'

"Zzz."