Screen-free Champions Gifts

"I bet you kids are all losing your minds without a wi-fi signal."

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

"Now that's what I call a high definition display.".

View from the Window

"Always give a good, firm handshake...then immediately sanitize your hands."

Thanks to hypnosis, he quit smoking cold-turkey. Everyone seemed real supportive until he came strutting into work, half-naked, gobbling incoherently.

'Why did he cut the chicane - the giant spider isn't on the track, he's on our screen.'

"I don't allow cell phones during breakfast. That's why she's talking into her pop tart."

"Hello, police? I'd like to report some suspicious activity. A youth without a phone in his hand."

"I'm a stay-at-home mom without kids."

The days before television

"Shame on you - using a plastic straw!"

Mobile phones vs books

"Our forefathers died to give us our most cherished freedom. The fight to absolutely terrify every dog and cat in the land every 4th of July."

'Yeah, neighborhood crime. That's what I watch all the time 'cause our TV is broken.'

"Isn't this nice? No screens. Just the majesty of the here and now."

"We're watching television less and making our own fun more."

'It's too nice to be inside watching cable! Now, go outside and play on some.'

"In my day we had trimphones."

When vegans pose for photos.

Get Your Head Out Of Your Phone

Will the last person to quit smoking please empty the ashtray!

'What can I say? The Feng Shui in the litter box was off.'

"Mom, I can't take the stress of social media. I'm running away from my home page!"

The anti-social network: 'In other words, you want to help the internet blow itself up.'

"It's summer, go outside and play."

'Why don't you guys go out and play catch?"

"It's the latest internet challenge, 30 mins no screen time."

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet... where the hell am I??"

No Smoking/second hand smoke kills.

'Peace at last.'

"No, I didn't unplug the TV because there's a national emergency...I want you to play outside."

"Before you put on a nicotine patch you need to take off the old one."

"You can either stop smoking now or wait until after your cremation."

"Make me feel ashamed of you!"