Stress-free Champion Gifts

"It bothers me that you don't let anything bother you."

On holiday.

Leadership suits you

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"And I got these stretch marks on my butt from sitting in the house for months back in 2020."

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

"Boo hoo, I missed my targets - what's the worst he can do?"

"Look at me, everyone! I'm amazing!"

Life-Work Balance.

"Look, I'm the bobblehead of this team."

Ed listens to one too many relaxation CDs...

"I'm so confident that when I climb a ladder."

'No sweat shop'

They called her the Olympic Flame because she never went out.

'Worry kills more people than work.'

Coronavirus crisis

"Can we just order pizza for Thanksgiving this year?"

'For this dish we're going to need two bottles of good quality red wine. And that's before we even start cooking.'

"I quit worrying. I've gone 100% non-non and completely free-free."

"I'm burning my little black dresses and moving upstate."

Step out-- speak up

"Our forefathers died to give us our most cherished freedom. The fight to absolutely terrify every dog and cat in the land every 4th of July."

Celebrating National No Bra Day

"Today a protest at the White House..."

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'

"Shame on you - using a plastic straw!"

"Since I never accepted any more challenges after my win against the hare, I remain undefeated..."

'You were right...my self esteem just went up 60%.'

'Oh yeah? Well, Dr. Rose predicts that my inevitable stress-induced massive coronary will strike in half the time as yours.'

"It's not so much spring cleaning as it is 'My mom is visiting for Mother's Day' cleaning."

"There's no charge—the grinding sound you hear when you're driving is coming from your wife's teeth."

'Haven't you ever wondered why I'll live 50 years longer than you?'

"Being labeled a character actor does not mean you are ugly."

"Don't bring the cares of the barn out into the pasture."

Simple Pleasures of the Non-Commuter