Firework Dodger Pillows

Sleeping through new year celebrations

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

Private Viewing

Tell me the truth. Do you think my signature is logo-esque?

'For sheer elegance you can't beat the black hole entropy formula.'

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

Man trying to catch a saxophonist with butterfly wings.

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

"Never go to a church during a hurricane. They only provide shelter from taxes."

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

"Baldo, I appreciate your hard work...and your eagerness to complete your chores quickly. But next time...don't blow the leaves while I'm painting."

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

"I did it Dad! I ran all the way home and beat the rain!"

"He's agreed to take the cruise, but no damn bunnyhopping!"

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

"Are you listening to me?"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

Drones Unlimited

Cowboy posting notices saying WANTED...FOR FLYPOSTING

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"Have you decided what household object you're hiding under this July 4th?"

' ...so we decided to put in our own flood protection scheme.'

Bob worked hard to avoid the spotlight.

'Oh hey Dan, remember how I said we were gonna go camping this week? Well then it started to rain, and I noticed your empty garage here, so...'

Winter depression.

"I couldn't work out how to assemble my wardrobe - then suddenly, it all fitted together..."

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

'The poor lamb's having a rest, Mum, exhausted after putting a new toilet roll on the holder...'

'I started out as a sculptor, but I kept hitting my thumb.'