Party Dodger Pillows

'Is it bad etiquette to bring my universal remote to this party you're dragging me to?'

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"Any yet he's always on my case."

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

Election Cancelling Headphones

Sleeping through new year celebrations

"If only you could do this in real life..."

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

"He's agreed to take the cruise, but no damn bunnyhopping!"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"You should have been here at eight!"

'Ms Ferguson, weasel me out of the 315 meeting.'

"Myra's our creative director. She fabricates emergency situations for me when client meetings go on too long."

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

"A high-powered career, a happy family, a big beautiful house: my dream is to avoid it all."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

"Sorry, your meeting's been pushed back...Mr. Smith's only 2,000 from a world record!"

'We don't want to give the presentation. We don't know that much stuff.'

'40 years and I never missed a meeting. Oh, I attended a few, but never missed not going to another!'