Party Dodger Pillows

'Is it bad etiquette to bring my universal remote to this party you're dragging me to?'

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

"It's been moved that we adjourn for an afternoon nap. Is there a second?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"Bill's a little upset. The boss just chewed him out."

"Summarise all that's been said. I wasn't listening."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

"Hope you weren't planning on leaving early."

A breakthrough in the morning meeting

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"We missed the meeting, but there might be a couple of the little muffins left."

'Miss Fenwick - I don't want to see anyone today!'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"Any yet he's always on my case."

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

Election Cancelling Headphones

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

Also I don't like coffee, so I'll be working through my coffee breaks.

Jenkins won't be here today. He just called in healthy.

Sleeping through new year celebrations

"If only you could do this in real life..."

"He's agreed to take the cruise, but no damn bunnyhopping!"

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

"You should have been here at eight!"

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

'His last words were 'Go Dodgers!''

"A high-powered career, a happy family, a big beautiful house: my dream is to avoid it all."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

'Whew! Looks like the Tuna Surprise isn't much of a hit!'

"Myra's our creative director. She fabricates emergency situations for me when client meetings go on too long."

'Ms Ferguson, weasel me out of the 315 meeting.'

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

'I'm sorry, he's in a meeting. would you like his voice mail?'

"Sorry, your meeting's been pushed back...Mr. Smith's only 2,000 from a world record!"