Campaign Dodger Pillows

Election Cancelling Headphones

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

"You go on ahead. I'm going to hang out here for the next few months until everyone stops saying the word 'caucus.'"

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

Thank You For Not Giving Me Your Views About Brexit

"The answer is NO!"

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

"If they find out I'm a flight attendant pretend a heart attack so we can leave early."

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

"You're suffering from banner blindness."

"Sorry, dear, but vowing NOT to climb Mount Everest this year isn't a valid New Year's resolution."

"Do you have a moment to be late for something you just made up?"

"So I'm thinking...why bother with all the junk mail?"

'Now I know why they call you Cinderella... You're always running away from the ball.'

'I like to take one day at a time.' - 'Trouble is you're three weeks behind.'

"We interrupt this endless stream of mind-numbing adverts to bring you a TV programme..."

"Bad news...you don't have a deadly disease. You've got to go back to work."

"Baldo, remember our rules! No talking on cell phones during work hours!"

'Great news! Your father's got a job.'

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

"Severe lactose intolerance - he can't even look at a cow."

"Please go to voicemail...please go to voice...Oh Hi...so glad I caught you!"

"I refuse to read the safety manual. Last time I tried, it gave me a severe papercut!"

"I've been called for jury duty. How can I get out of it?"

'Good report Bob but it's not quite there yet.' And neither was Bob.

'Is it bad etiquette to bring my universal remote to this party you're dragging me to?'

"I miss avoiding people."

"But dear, I have to attend all the school meetings. Otherwise I get volunteered for committees."

"Joey, you're supposed to wash your hands before returning to work."

'I won't be sociable, I won't be ....'

"He forgot to record the game, so he had to watch it live. The 1,284 commercials was too much for him to handle."

"I programmed your fitness watch to tell the truth."

"If it's the reedy, gurgling 'cut-cut-turrrrr' of the long-billed marsh wren, I'm not here."

Extremely Lactose Intolerant