Activity Dodger Pillows

"I programmed your fitness watch to tell the truth."

"You created a robot to do your homework for you? Apparently, laziness is the mother of invention."

'We built this city on Rock 'n' Roll, yeah baby. Is not an accurate assessment of our town's history.'

'He's kind of a rescue dog. He points to where the hardest work is, so that I can run into the opposite direction!'

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

"Your top 10 list of reasons why you didn't do your homework is creative, but not acceptable."

Homework flavored dog food

"All right, what's it going to take to make this homework go away?"

"It's hard being a TV viewer trapped in the body of a student."

"What kind of 'best friend' expects you to pick up their sh*t?"

"My dog ate my homework. Then the backup files were hacked by Russians."

"We interrupt this program to bring you a special message from your teachers..."

"I cloned myself to take care of my Thanksgiving duties while I watch football in peace."

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

Gentlemen, I'm off to join the circus

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

Election Cancelling Headphones

'Three days, four different avoidance routines.'

'The homework ate my dog.'

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

Melvin would go to any lengths to get away from McDonald's advertising...

"Forget about eating homework, I need you to carry my backpack!"

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

'I follow my doctor's orders religiously. He said for me to spend two hours a day on the tennis court.'

"Instead of taking notes, can I just purchase a transcript of today's lesson?"

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

"Miss Wythenshawe? Can I leave early, my brain is full."

'Eat my homework! Come on, Spot, eat my homework! If I turn it in, I won't pass!'

"Oh look! Another crappy grant which requires my goddamned work interact with the f**king community!"

'Danae...you seem to spend twice the time and energy in avoiding your schoolwork than it would take to actually do the work...How far do you expect that'll get you in life?'

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"By the time I count to 10, you'd better be doing your math homework!"

'I won't be at school anymore, my head is full.'