Fireside Stories Gifts

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

Silence of the Chickens...

Marshmallows

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Good News about winter

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Moby Dick

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

'Dad! Dad! Dad!!. . . We lost our signal.'

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

'Please, Grandpa Turkey! Tell us about the Christmas massacre and the Thanksgiving bloodbath!'

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter