Fireside Stories Gifts

If it's any consolation, you burned the bejeezus out of his finger.

Take seat. Nothing makes me happier than keeping people warm and cooking s'mores for them. Friendly fire.

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

Santa, Alien, Easter Bunny and Sasquatch plan the perfect caper.

Silence of the Chickens...

Marshmallows

Good News about winter

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"And that's General Ambrose T. Spangler. He died in the Great Mustache Fire of 1897."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'

Goodnight Moon for the Misbegotten

"We need to stop sharing one set of clothes."

Turning Japanese: I really think so.

Moby Dick

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"

'Dad! Dad! Dad!!. . . We lost our signal.'

'I don't remember this canoe being this heavy, do you Tom?'

'What can you wish for?!... Oh, I don't know... Infinite wealth, beautiful women throwing themselves at your feet, fame and admiration, perhaps?... But, don't let me influence you.'

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'I told you we should have done the balloon toss.'

'The scariest story I know is escalating health care costs.'

"Before I fight this dragon and rescue you, can I ask a few questions? Like, do you want kids? What's your passion? Where is 'home' to you? Do you have a financial philosophy?"

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

"It doesn't say, son, who they pawned the kittens off on after the flood."

Meekness of Mr Pecksniff and his Charming Daughter

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

So … how did you two meet?