Firearm Instructor Gifts

How to clean a loaded gun.

"Are we looking more for target shooting, or, like, closure?"

"As I said before, I can't hear a word you're saying."

"God gave me nine lives and with John Browning's help I'm going to keep it that way."

"I warned you about the recoil on that one."

"So, how was your day at work, Dear?"

"Looks like your rock cakes are a big hit this year, dear...."

The Appearance of the Gatling Machine-Gun in 1864 caught the world by surprise.

"I'm using a silencer!"

'Watch it, I'm a black belt.'

"Bullets seem like overkill. What if I shot him with staples?"

'I counted six shots! Rush him before he can reload!'

One of the lesser known joys of being a fencing instructor.

Fencing Lessons

Stun-gun target practice.

"For extra protection, this one is armed with a tiny gun of its own."

"While registering online, little Ahab had confused fencing and flensing,"

'I don't know if I could really do that to a man.'

'Yes,I did order an extra barrel,but for my shotgun.'

The Karate Master

"Mr. Ringo alleges that Marshal Earp used a very unpleasant tone of voice when he ordered him outa town on the noon stage."

'Mr Thurber, come at me like you're going to sexually harass me!'

'Okay - imagine you're a bailiff coming at me with a repossession order.'

'Kicks a little.'

Man protecting himself from potential golfballs

'Well sure there's a waiting period - it's as long as it takes you to get home and load it'

"Neither one of us wants any trouble."

"Hunting? My paw called it redneck doomsday target practice."

'Would you like to join our frequent shooter club?'

"Ah, what a beautiful morning to be alive, well, and a member of the National Rifle Association!"

Before There Was Pepper Spray

"Darn, men! How often must I repeat it!? Blow!! Never suck!"

'Well, Phil, now do you know what recoil means?'

"He's not moving. I think he's dead already."

Soldier holding a bazooka backwards.