Fines Pillows

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

"Beanirrito"

The Popularity of Pickleball Inspires a New Wave of Hybrid Sports.

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

Tequila Mockingbird

"Regular service or affected?"

En garde!

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

'I told you to not get Danny that Junior Carpenter set.'

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

"Aperitif?"

Sportswasher's

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

Lunch

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

Swords for Making America Great Again

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

'Maybe I should use the nine iron.'

'Sure hope this doesn't give me heartburn. . .'

En-guard dog.