Fines Gifts

'Did you drop this £20 note, Sir?' 'Ooh, YES!' 'That will be a £50 fine.'

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

The Popularity of Pickleball Inspires a New Wave of Hybrid Sports.

"Beanirrito"

"We're never going to resolve this if you won't get your own sword."

'I'm moving up to be Chairperson-of-the-board. One of you will be President.' (Men have fencing swords).

Tequila Mockingbird

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

En garde!

I don't know what happened to the poor guy, but he's visibly shaken.

"Regular service or affected?"

Zorro as a child.

'So you're off to see the chiropodist... the only time in your life you shouldn't put your best foot forward!'

"I'm dating a lunar astronaut!"

"If we're musketeers, why can't we just shoot people? with muskets?"

'How would you like that? Medium, rare, or wrapped in plastic on a foam tray?'

'I told you to not get Danny that Junior Carpenter set.'

"Aperitif?"

Triumphant mouse posing like Perseus holding aloft Medusa's head.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'Two men having a sword fight with large pen and pencil.'

Sportswasher's

"Perhaps I'm asking too much of you in the way of companionship."

'Waiter, you seem to have mixed my bill up with somebody who wants to buy this restaurant.'

"Well, I thought I'd give fencing a try, but I sucked at it."

Lunch

'We don't keep cash on the premises.'

'I've found taking a sip of another table's wine is an effective conversation starter.'

Man in office fencing with pieces of paper flying about

Swords for Making America Great Again

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

Chez Ritzo. Yes, I would like an after dinner mint - I need one to pay this check.

'Sure hope this doesn't give me heartburn. . .'

Underrated tweet